God Grant Me The Serenity..

Hello, my name is Holly and I am the sister of an alcoholic.

There are many reasons that people take the first drink. It's a mystery to me how people that grow up in the same family and have the same life experiences can turn out so differently. I do know there are things about Brittany that changed her view of herself from very early on in life. A grandfather that molested her, an elementary teacher that told her she was stupid, boys that teased her and taunted her. You just never know what events in life are going to leave their mark for all of time to see. What memories will stick and what ones will disappear?


My sisters drinking started in junior high. She told me the other day that she remembers one of the boys that she liked telling her that he didn't understand her , and asked why she drank everyday. She didn't know how to answer him, it was her normal already. During those first few years of her drinking she pushed our family to the edge with running away, jumping out of my car as I drove down the highway, sleeping around, getting in trouble at school when she went to school. After not too long of this behavior my parents were at a loss of what to do with her. The looked into and admitted her to a local drug program called LIFE. Our lives were occupied with "open meetings" on Friday nights when we could go see her in a group setting. We had other girls going thru the program come and stay with us. We were learning all about the things addicts do and say to get their drug/drink. The program was for her but in many ways it taught my parents and I coping skills and helped make them feel just a little less helpless.


The program may have kept her alive thru her teenage years but she would end up staying longer than most, running away, and eventually being sent to a home in Mississippi as a last resort for getting clean. It probably wasn't the best place in the world, but I am thankful that she had that year there. She worked as a nanny and had the bible beaten into her. I was away at college during that year so I didn't live thru it with her or my parents. I hear stories about it now and then from her but like most of her past I can't relate to her situations.


Our hopes of her coming home and being a "normal" girl were short lived. She hooked up with a boy that was from our area and also went to both of the same programs she went to. From that point until today we have seen her  thru D.U.I.'s, police chases, helicopters looking for her, SWAT teams surround the house she was living in in fear she was going to kill herself, stolen cars, abusive relationships, her pulling knives on family members, in and out of jails, hospitals, etc. She has also had good years, a sober pregnancy and beautiful baby boy that is a teenager now, she worked with me for almost 10 years, showing up to work everyday. She has had her own cleaning business and done very well ,,twice. She can have a very productive and happy life but the dark days are always close and never forgotten. 
 
When her fiance died in September all of us worried that she would fall back into the old days of drinking and destructive behavior. She surprised us all for a while by doing very well. Then came the holidays. I am not sure if that is what pushed her over the edge or if it was just too hard to keep up with life without her partner.
 
Having an alcoholic close to you brings on so many emotions. I go through everything from fear, anger, compassion, despair,sadness,and some other emotions I have no names for. I want more for her than she wants for herself. I don't have the alcohol to numb my emotions like she does and when she pushes me away I want to go sometimes, most times lately. I can't imagine losing my partner and dealing with finding a new "normal" after so many years together. I would probably be under my bed still, so I give her kudos for getting out and doing things.
 
Her last two trips to the emergency room the doctors have pretty much told her the same thing. This is a wake up call. She is killing herself with the drinking. She now weighs 100 lbs or less, she can't keep food down, she is tearing up her stomach. If she doesn't stop drinking she will die.
 
The hard part with that is, it is a slow and painful death. With her fiance, he had cancer. We knew the outlook was not good with Cancer but he was fighting it. He was going for chemo, he was  treating the disease. With an alcoholic like her, she is not treating the disease, she is not fighting for her life. She is doing just the opposite.
 
As her family member it is hard to wrap my head around trying to cope with the fact that I am going to lose my sister. Will it be this year, will it be years  from now, will it be next week? Will she end up in a nursing home totally out of it from a stroke?   When you find out someone close to you is dying you want to spend as much time with them as possible, you want to remember them for all of the good times you've had. When that someone is an alcoholic you try and forget so many of the bad times and  pull those happy memories out of the mess, you may or may not want to spend time with them because they tend to push you away unless you are an active supporter/enabler to their drinking.
 
I hope that I am wrong and that she will come home from the hospital today and choose a healthy sober life and let the people around her that love her be there for her but I fear that she won't. Time will tell...
 
 
God grant me the serenity


to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.



Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.



--Reinhold Niebuhr

Second Visit Hope for the Holidays

Yesterday we made our second visit to the homeless camp. My mom had given us some money to buy a few more things and we wanted to get the propane tanks over to Pops so he would stay warm in this little cold snap we were having. We were almost there when we saw the flashing lights of the emergency vehicles.

When we saw that it was a man down on his bike we pulled over and Vic walked over to see if it was one of our homeless people. The man was okay, and not one that we recognized from the camp. They took him by ambulance to have his leg checked out. Vic said the police man was lecturing the biker on how dangerous it is to ride his bike by such a busy road. I think sometimes they forget that if the man had his choice he would most likely choose to be in a car and not on a bike on such a cold day.

As we walked through the woods to the camp we noticed more tents than were there last week. We didn't see people but saw the tents scattered along the path back to "Pirates Cove". As we got closer we noticed a large American Flag flying in the breeze that was flying proudly in the camp. As we walked in , three voices from one of the new tents called out to us. Pops, Tony and a new man named Leathered invited us over to the new tent. Pops seemed very happy to see us and even happier when he realized we brought the propane tanks he needs to keep warm.

Leathered introduced himself. He is a Vet and is the newest member of Pirates Cove and as Tony explained , one of his oldest and dearest friends. The flag was a gift from him to Tony with a much deeper story behind it. As tears streamed down their faces we knew it was a heartfelt story that we'd have to hear on another day because they were not talking.

Pops said that they had many people come out and bring food for Christmas and it was the best Christmas he had seen out there. I'm sure the newspaper article has touched other people the way it touched Vic and I. It is comforting knowing there are other people reaching out and helping too.

There are two dogs that stay at Pirates Cove. Mask and Stripes. One is 7 months old and all puppy, and the other one is 6 years old. There are toys strewn all over the place. I played with the puppy for a bit , throwing sticks for him to bring back. One of them peed on my leg before we left. My dogs did not much like that when I got home..but I guess I belong to all of them now. :)

We left with more requests for radios,lanterns and batteries on our next visit. And of course big hugs again from all of them. Pops even called me Holly Baby and kissed me on the cheek!

I didn't get pictures again because I felt strange asking if it was ok. Our dear friends in Sacramento did make it out over Christmas, passing out the sleeping bags and supplies they had gathered for "hope for the holidays" and got some great pictures that I will share. We love you Sue (and family) and are so happy that you inspired us to do this!

Ho Ho Ho

I hope that everyone out there had a very merry Christmas!!

Our family always celebrates together on Christmas Eve. We went to my older sisters house around 3. My brother in law fried a turkey for sandwiches and we had other yummies to munch on. I brought the crack candy , mom made her delicious spinach dip and brought some new pumpkin pie dessert that Vic and I ended up bringing home. My niece Mallory made chocolate chocolate chip cookies and Steph made party mix (yay!).

Once we all were there we played a holiday version of Bingo. The winner of each game got a lottery scratch off ticket. My sister Britt and  her son Brandon were the big winners..they won three lotto tickets and when scratched Brittany ended up winning $45..you go girl!  Greg (mom's beau) won a card too but he didn't scratch it last night. I spoke to her this morning and she didn't mention being new millionaires or anything so I'm guessing he didn't win big.

Some of my favorite gifts were..a frame that mom and Greg made Vic and I. I love it because they made it, and that it has my moms handwriting on it. The picture of us was one we took earlier in the year when we came to visit them for a crab boil.

My sister, Steph, had some glasses made for Vic and I with pictures of the furchildren on them..It was so touching that Vic and I almost teared up a little when we saw them!

All in all it was a lovely Christmas. We were home earlier than most years (6:30 ish) but still didnt manage to get to bed until after midnight. I think we were laughing to Hank Hill  on TV right before I fell asleep.

We are heading back to the homeless camp today with the propane that they asked for a few days ago. Vic also picked up some oranges, veggies, canned soups and coffee with money that my mom donated. Right now  we are being lazy enjoying a quiet Christmas morning watching movies and munching on some of the food we brought home from last night.

Vic made me cry this morning with a very sweet card and gift bag full of yummies. We were not going to exchange anything because we got our gifts for each other earlier ..but Vic didn't follow the rules. I'm secretly glad...because I LOVE my card!! I have some lotto scratch offs to do  in a bit too! I'll be sure I'll tell you if I win BIG! :)

Here are some pictures of my sisters fur children from yesterday...I hope that you all have enjoyed your holiday as much as we have.

Merry Christmas!

The video is from last year..but we still wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

Hope For The Holidays In Action!

Today after work as planned we packaged up our goodies and headed out to the homeless camp.

I did not know what to expect and was a little nervous but excited at the same time.

As we entered into the woods we saw tents on both sides of our path but heard voices further in the woods so we kept walking until we were met by a man on a bike. Tony was his name and he welcomed us in and gave us a verbal tour of how the camp was set up  and who all was there. He was heading out to buy cigarattes but we would see him again.  He asked a few gentlemen up front to escort us back to the back camp but they declined so Vic and I followed the path and the voices until we reached the main camp that they call "Pirates Cove".

Tonys wife Carol was there along with Pops and a young lady named Annie. They came out and gave us hugs and talked with us for a while. We were told that 8 people live back there now and that the newspaper article has brought them attention and help. Local organizations were out and coming back with more things tomorrow. We asked what they needed so other people could help too. Pops said propane. Tony explained that Pops uses heaters and they are run by little propane tanks. We promised to see what we could do about that.

While we were visiting , the mayor of Pirates Cove, as they call him (Joe) pulled up on his bike with bags of ice and food he had gotten from the church and with food stamps. They were having chicken tonight. Joe is the cook. He was so nice to talk with us and you could tell , a proud man.

When it came time to leave we were given hugs , Pops gave me hugs twice! And Tony escorted us back up to the truck. He thanked us and told us about moving to the camp this past year after losing his job. His unemployment ran out and he could no long afford his mortgage so he and Carol and their kids (two fiesty dogs) made pirates cove "home".

I wanted to take more pictures but felt intrusive by asking so  I didn't. I found a slide show on the newspaper link that shows the camp and the people..here is the link PHOTOS

What stood out to me the most is their smiles. They had three Christmas trees up, and even joked about one of them being a charlie brown Christmas tree because it only had one ornament.

I feel more blessed tonight in knowing these people..and look forward to going back again and getting to know them better.

Merry Christmas!

Hope For The Holidays

Sometimes things just fall  into place as if putting together a puzzle. Since before my partner and I started living together we have talked about things that we wanted to do together. Helping the less fortunate was one of the things we talked about but just never found our "people". As I often do with things that are meant to be I didn't worry about it because I knew when the time was right it would all just happen. My entire life has been that way..why would it change now?

A few weeks ago Vic's very good friend Sue was facing another huge battle with cancer and admitted to the hospital back in Sacramento.  For the past year we knew that the time would come when Vic would need to go back but tried to keep the positive thoughts flowing and not think too much about it. Saturday morning as I was reading new status updates on facebook I saw where Sues daughter, Krista, had written that she felt so f'ing helpless. I shared that with Vic and within a few minutes a text message came across telling Vic to come to California. By that evening Vic was back in California sitting by Sues side in the hospital.

For the following week Vic stayed near Sue's side and would call me at night with the updates from the day. Some good days, some bad but mostly just sad. The conversation that made me cry the most was a story Vic told me. Krista had gone to pick up some mashed potatoes and gravy at KFC for Sue and she saw a homeless man sitting on the curb. She picked him up a sandwich and gave it to him before she left. She was nervous but felt a strong pull to help this man out.  When she came back to the hospital and told her mom about what had happened  Sue said that her wish for the holidays was she wanted to get sleeping bags and take them around to the homeless people that they see around where they live, not drop them off at a shelter but actually go out on the streets and find the people that they would be helping. Sue's excitement about this spilled over and she shared her wishes with the nurses and friends that would come by the room to visit with her.

Later the  next  evening the sisters (it was a catholic hospital) brought up five sleeping bags that someone had left at the front desk for Sue and her children to deliver over the holidays. There was not a dry eye in the room.

The kids made a flyer and created emails telling what their plans were and asking other people to do the same thing in Sues name this Christmas. Vic and I even posted our plans to do the same thing back here in Florida.

On a side note, while Vic was in California there was a fire in the woods not to far from where we live. It was a pretty big fire and I was stuck in traffic because of it. It would become more important later. A sign if you may.

Since Vic came home Sue also got out of the hospital and is starting a new medical trial this next week. We have not talked much because Vic has been under the weather and with the time difference we don't always know when she is sleeping but from the looks of her facebook status she had a great day at church yesterday!

This weekend in our local paper they did a two part series on the homeless people here in Venice! The story was about a "camp" if you will, of homeless people that live in the woods that were on fire while Vic was in California! As if two days of this story wasnt a big enough lightbulb moment today a man came into our office taking donations for the local homeless. We are still not sure if it was a scam or not but we donated a few bucks and just tucked it away as a nudge.  On our drive home we talked about all the signs. We have talked about doing something for the homeless for a while but didn't really know where the homeless in Venice lived or stayed and now we find out they are so close to our house. We stopped by the woods where the fire was and Vic got out and walked a ways into the woods to see if she could see the tents or anything. She did. We found our people!  We came on home and made a plan to go back out and shop tonight but not to stop by the camp at night because they are probably already scared of having to move because of the article , we would put together bins of goodies and bring them by during the day when we could meet them.

We stocked up at the dollar store and then at walmart with sleeping bags, lanterns,canned goods, socks, toothpaste, razors, soap, etc...It was hard not to go too far over our budget!  I hope that this touches you as much as it did us and this Christmas you will find a way to add some hope for the holidays!

Merry Christmas!!
Holly

December 11-18

This week was a  pretty full week for me. Since it is the week before Christmas it is surprising how little holiday activities played a role in my time.

This week I ...

• Went to the doctor and got back on my meds for my asthma.
• Had my hair done..love it! Thanks Heidi..Venice Day Spa is the BEST!
• Ate at Peach's and had the yummiest four cheese quiche..twice!
• Had Friday Night Date night with Vic and went to Ivy's Steakhouse and then out looking at Christmas lights around town.
• Got my first order for my new business venture..www.suncoastgrocerygirls.webs.com!
• Talked to my BFF Steph and realized how much I miss her!
• Felt like I lost my bubbawoo.
• Filled up my jeep, gas is now $2.94 a gallon...yikes!
• Celebrated as DADT (Don't Ask Don't Tell) was repealed today.
• Caught up on All My Children from last week and this week.
• Found some new great blogs to follow after this weekends Lady Blogger Society Tea Party.
• Actually made a youtube video after slacking for so many months.